Love Can Come in Bottles, Too.
How can we be all those things?
Well, we believe that breastfeeding our babies is an incredible gift, but that sometimes it simply doesn't happen the way we planned.
We are not here to encourage or discourage any particular choice parents make on how to nourish their babies. We are here to support the ones who struggled or are struggling to breastfeed and are facing the guilt that often comes along with deciding to stop breastfeeding.
We have both experienced this personally, and have gone through all the guilt alone, so we wanted to start this tumblr to post encouragement and to answer your questions and concerns as you make this sometimes difficult and traumatic transition.
We want you to bottle-feed without fear of judgement, and without guilt. You are doing the best that you can do for your baby given your particular circumstances. Be assured that the love and care you take in making this sometimes agonizing decision shows beyond a shadow of a doubt that love can come in bottles, too.
“No wonder formula milk rationing is scary to British parents, since they have never been given the power to make their own choices in this area. Although we should be grateful that, unlike Chinese parents, we can be sure that whatever brand of formula milk we buy it will be perfectly safe for our children, some more useful information rather than ‘breast is best’ sermonising would be good.”
Unhappy? If you’re a mom, a new study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies may explain why: Intense parenting makes mothers miserable.
According to Science Daily, researchers found that mothers who have an intense parenting philosophy are more likely to be unhappy, and even clinically depressed, than those who don’t. What is intense parenting? If you’re a mom who thinks nothing is more important — not your time or your health or your needs — than your child, you may be in for some serious problems.
More specifically, the study’s authors defined intense parenting as those who believe:
- mothers, not fathers, are the most necessary and capable parent
- parents’ happiness is derived primarily from their children
- parents should always provide their children with stimulating activities that aid in their development
- parenting is more difficult than working
- a parent should always sacrifice their needs for the needs of the child
I’m a transgender parent: not the parent of a transgender child, nor a parent who transitioned after having kids. Rather, I transitioned from female to male, and then later became pregnant—as a trans man. I had a healthy pregnancy, and birthed my baby naturally. And in that first moment when I saw my baby and held him in my arms—smelling his amazing, newborn baby smell—I became addicted to him.
Just last week, my little guy turned 1 years old, and I can say that my initial intense feeling toward him has only become more powerful over time. Part of its effect is to make me highly sensitive to my child’s needs, despite the awkward moments we sometimes endure in public as a nursing couple.
If we as a society truly place a high value on nursing — if the American Academy of Pediatrics’ recommendation that mothers breast-feed for 12 months or more (and breast-feed exclusively for six months or more) is meant for all women, not just those with the resources to withstand economic loss — then we need to support breast-feeding by putting in place laws, policies, programs and social structures that make it easier, rather than attempt to gloss over its hidden costs. Breast milk isn’t free. But it’s within our power to make it affordable for all.
Dear Mama,
It’s me, your child. The one who wakes you up at 3 a.m. because my stomach is the size of a golf ball or being held five times tonight isn’t quite enough. The one who finds it hilarious to dump oatmeal all over the floor and your hair if I can manage it. The one whose diapers tempt you to contact your country’s military research department because that smell is a good candidate for the next devastating non-lethal weapon. Put down the Dr. Sears tome, the iPhone on that sanctimommy blog, the e-reader with that book about breastfeeding being a womanly art on screen. Do I have your attention? Good.
New research at the University of Warwick into 50 years of motherhood manuals has revealed how despite their differences they have always issued advice as orders and set unattainably high standards for new mums and babies.
And in other news… fire is hot, water is wet, and the sky is blue!
When you have a baby, you know that you are in for lots of things. Sleepless nights, being peed and puked on, having your heart broken, laughing your biggest laugh, and crying your hardest cries ever are to be expected. One thing no one tells you is that you will be judged by every single person that you come into contact with for just about every single decision you make in regards to that baby.
Ah, breastfeeding and formula. It seems like forever since we’ve been able to talk about infant feeding without immediately getting sidetracked into the explosive meta discussion about how we should talk about it, or, more often, how we shouldn’t.
The ability to discern between truth-telling and guilt-tripping seems to get a little hazy to all involved sometimes. In the interest of lancing the boil I present the following cheatsheet on how not to become a breastfeeding Nazi—and how not to see them where they are not.
It can be really stressful for parents when their babies are crying. Parenting coach Dr. Carrie Contey explains the connection between baby crying and guilt.
Having planned to breastfeed, I didn’t have much knowledge about bottle feeding, and a lot of what I did find didn’t seem helpful or a good fit for my parenting style. Ultimately, we acted on much of the advice given to breastfeeding moms together with a good dose of instinct.
I’ve been wanting to pass on some of what we’ve learned for awhile as a resource for those who may have found themselves surprised by a similar situation. I fully support and advocate breastfeeding, but as it’s not always an option, this post is for moms who – for whatever reason – are looking for ways to bottle feed with love.
