Love Can Come in Bottles, Too.
How can we be all those things?
Well, we believe that breastfeeding our babies is an incredible gift, but that sometimes it simply doesn't happen the way we planned.
We are not here to encourage or discourage any particular choice parents make on how to nourish their babies. We are here to support the ones who struggled or are struggling to breastfeed and are facing the guilt that often comes along with deciding to stop breastfeeding.
We have both experienced this personally, and have gone through all the guilt alone, so we wanted to start this tumblr to post encouragement and to answer your questions and concerns as you make this sometimes difficult and traumatic transition.
We want you to bottle-feed without fear of judgement, and without guilt. You are doing the best that you can do for your baby given your particular circumstances. Be assured that the love and care you take in making this sometimes agonizing decision shows beyond a shadow of a doubt that love can come in bottles, too.
When feeding your baby formula, preparing and storing it safely is essential to stop your baby from getting sick. You must sterilize the water and all bottles and feeding equipment for babies of any age drinking powdered infant formula.
Most people don’t prepare formula correctly, and this can have disastrous results. For powdered infant formula, the water should be boiled, slightly cooled (use by 30 minutes) and formula added. The water should be no less than 70C so it can kill pathogens in the formula. However, using boiled water right away can kill certain nutrients, using it by 20-30 minutes should put it around the correct temperature Check with a thermometer.
Powdered infant formula may cause botulism, and harbour the cronobacter sazakii bacteria which can cause meningitis, bacteria in the blood, and necrotising enterocolitus. This is why adding slightly cooled, boiled water is important to kill pathogens.
I repeat: boiling water is NOT done to “only” make the water safe, it is done to make the powdered formula safe. It is a crucial step in safe formula preparation and not one to overlook.This site lists instructions for sterilization, and preparation of different types of formula.
“I feel guilty because every time I make the mistake of reading about breastfeeding and formula, I’m faced with you, dear breastfeeding advocate, telling me that the very thing that helped keep my daughter alive was poison.
So tell me, are you proud of yourself?
Do you still think formula is poison?
Signed,
A mom just like you”
“Judgey breastfeeders, I’m talking to you. Find something nice to say, be informed, or don’t say anything. Breastfeeding can’t afford this kind of pettiness and we can do better.”
“Are you “that mom”? You know the one that quit breastfeeding after only two weeks because you were just “too lazy” to stick with it. Nobody really knows what was going on behind the scenes – the baby that wouldn’t latch, the pumping, your baby’s constant crying, your own tears shed from trying to make things work. The only thing they know is that you are giving your baby – oh no – dare we say it… formula.”
Lily: I just thought I would share something that one of my son’s donor breast milk mommas (named Kieu) wrote today, regarding her experiences with exclusively pumping breastmilk for her 14-month-old (named Kaden). I thought it was a wonderful message and I admire her for her strength to overcome adversity!
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This month marks a full year I have been exclusively pumping milk for my Kaden. Looking back, I can’t believe the amount of time I’ve spent pumping, starting out 8 sessions a day, half an hour per session, and now down to 5 sessions. I usually get 5 oz per session. That would average out to be 320 liters of milk a year! Holy cow! That’s a lot of milk!
I always knew I wanted to breast-feed Kaden way before I had him. [Not breastfeeding him] wasn’t even an option for me. What I wasn’t aware of was there are all kinds of problems that can prevent a mom from nursing: from latch issues, to postpartum depression, to oversupply (a condition where milk is over-produced and comes down so fast that when the baby latches on, he chokes). I had this condition; it was frustrating feeding him as he would latch on for a few seconds then started to yank off and cry hysterically. I would have kept on trying, but Kaden didn’t gain enough weight.
After 2 months of breast-feeding Kaden, I decided to exclusively pump milk for him. This way I knew the exact amount he was eating. I was saddened- I loved the skin to skin contact with my son. It was the closest contact I had with him…
Pumping milk is not an easy task as it may seem to be. I need to be consistent with the sessions to keep up with milk production. It means I need to wake up at the odd hours of 2 or 3 in the morning, not counting a stiff neck from looking down so much. I also get nipple pain from too much pumping. It was easier when Kaden was little. Now that he is mobile, it’s harder because sometimes he needs his mommy. A lot of times it happens to be during pumping sessions. All of these obstacles frustrated me, and at times, I wanted to give up! “To hell with it,” I thought…
But then I looked at my son, knowing what the benefits breast milk have done for him this far, I can’t stop. (Well, I vent to my husband instead. Sorry, Hon!) I also learned about other moms who can’t produce milk at all, who look for donors’ milk to feed their babies. These moms give me perspective and motivation to keep on pumping…
I am not trying to be a SUPER mom.
I am far from being a SUPER mom.
I just believe wholeheartedly in the benefits of breast milk, its protection against diseases. Not one single formula out there can come close to breast milk. Isn’t nature incredible for supplying the best food for babies?
I am not judging other moms who choose other outlets other than breast milk. You do what you think is best for your babies. My goal is to share my story with other moms. And that if I can do it, you can too, because God knows I am the most impatient person in this planet! Amazing, just like that, time flies. One year of pumping milk has gone by…
Cheers to another year of pumping for Kaden.
In the end, we all need to feed our babies. How we choose to do that should not reflect on our ability to mother, but on our decision to do what’s best for our own children.
It turns out, I had Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex, a hormonal reflex that occurs with the letdown of breastmilk. It is also known as D-MER and I will refer to it as such throughout this post.
Even now, almost two years later, I feel a twinge whenever I see a woman whip out her boob at the playground. Why couldn’t that have been me? I briefly fantasize about having another baby (could I maybe get it right the second time around?), before reminding myself that the dream of breastfeeding is possibly the worst reason to have another child. But then I look over at my son, roaring with laughter as he whizzes down a slide or shouting out a new word from the top of the jungle gym. My inability to breastfeed seemed so do-or-die when he was an infant, so all-determining. But I don’t think my strapping son has suffered in the long run, not even a little bit, from what I saw as such a horrendous deprivation at my hands. Breast milk or no breast milk, he couldn’t possibly have turned out any better, and these days that’s the only consolation I need.
This was an article from The Leaky Boob that Lucas’ donor milk mom shared with me recently. As she put it: “[This is] why I donate… this article pretty much sums it up. I am so glad that I am able to help my ‘milk baby’ grow and get the nutrition he needs!”
Every human baby deserves to have the normal nutrition for a human infant: human breastmilk. To every lactating woman, past, present and future that has ever shared or will ever share even a drop of her milk with another woman’s baby I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Whether you give through safe direct donation or through an established Milk Bank such as one approved by the Human Milk Banking Association of America, I thank you.
Because it could be my baby.
