Love Can Come in Bottles, Too.

We are pro breastfeeding, pro formula feeding, pro mixed feeding, pro cup feeding, pro extended breastfeeding, pro express feeding...

How can we be all those things? Well, we believe that breastfeeding our babies is an incredible gift, but that sometimes it simply doesn't happen the way we planned.

We are not here to encourage or discourage any particular choice parents make on how to nourish their babies. We are here to support the ones who struggled or are struggling to breastfeed and are facing the guilt that often comes along with deciding to stop breastfeeding. We have both experienced this personally, and have gone through all the guilt alone, so we wanted to start this tumblr to post encouragement and to answer your questions and concerns as you make this sometimes difficult and traumatic transition.

We want you to bottle-feed without fear of judgement, and without guilt. You are doing the best that you can do for your baby given your particular circumstances. Be assured that the love and care you take in making this sometimes agonizing decision shows beyond a shadow of a doubt that love can come in bottles, too.

Posts tagged "donor milk"

"Having a low milk supply has been extremely tough emotionally. I felt like I was failing my baby, not being able to do what is ‘supposed’ to come naturally. Having a sick baby, trying to pump around the clock and still try and breast feed was very stressful and often made my supply issues worse. I will be forever grateful to the wonderful women who donated their precious milk. They gave me the gift of having one less thing to worry about. It took pressure off me in times of very high stress and they have given the greatest gift of nutrition to my son. I wish milk sharing was more widely accepted as the norm.I still struggle with supply so still express (once daily these days) as well as take prescription medication and natural galactologues. With the help of these things we are still breast feeding at 19 months and I hope to continue until we are both ready to stop."

Lily: I just thought I would share something that one of my son’s donor breast milk mommas (named Kieu) wrote today, regarding her experiences with exclusively pumping breastmilk for her 14-month-old (named Kaden). I thought it was a wonderful message and I admire her for her strength to overcome adversity!



This month marks a full year I have been exclusively pumping milk for my Kaden. Looking back, I can’t believe the amount of time I’ve spent pumping, starting out 8 sessions a day, half an hour per session, and now down to 5 sessions. I usually get 5 oz per session. That would average out to be 320 liters of milk a year! Holy cow! That’s a lot of milk!

I always knew I wanted to breast-feed Kaden way before I had him. [Not breastfeeding him] wasn’t even an option for me. What I wasn’t aware of was there are all kinds of problems that can prevent a mom from nursing: from latch issues, to postpartum depression, to oversupply (a condition where milk is over-produced and comes down so fast that when the baby latches on, he chokes). I had this condition; it was frustrating feeding him as he would latch on for a few seconds then started to yank off and cry hysterically. I would have kept on trying, but Kaden didn’t gain enough weight.

After 2 months of breast-feeding Kaden, I decided to exclusively pump milk for him. This way I knew the exact amount he was eating. I was saddened- I loved the skin to skin contact with my son. It was the closest contact I had with him…

Pumping milk is not an easy task as it may seem to be. I need to be consistent with the sessions to keep up with milk production. It means I need to wake up at the odd hours of 2 or 3 in the morning, not counting a stiff neck from looking down so much. I also get nipple pain from too much pumping. It was easier when Kaden was little. Now that he is mobile, it’s harder because sometimes he needs his mommy. A lot of times it happens to be during pumping sessions. All of these obstacles frustrated me, and at times, I wanted to give up! “To hell with it,” I thought…

But then I looked at my son, knowing what the benefits breast milk have done for him this far, I can’t stop. (Well, I vent to my husband instead. Sorry, Hon!) I also learned about other moms who can’t produce milk at all, who look for donors’ milk to feed their babies. These moms give me perspective and motivation to keep on pumping…

I am not trying to be a SUPER mom.
I am far from being a SUPER mom.

I just believe wholeheartedly in the benefits of breast milk, its protection against diseases. Not one single formula out there can come close to breast milk. Isn’t nature incredible for supplying the best food for babies?

I am not judging other moms who choose other outlets other than breast milk. You do what you think is best for your babies. My goal is to share my story with other moms. And that if I can do it, you can too, because God knows I am the most impatient person in this planet! Amazing, just like that, time flies. One year of pumping milk has gone by…

Cheers to another year of pumping for Kaden. May I continue to be blessed with producing milk so Kaden can make it to age two! :D


I am so thankful for Kieu’s friendship and for her steadfast efforts! She truly is a wonderful woman and mom, and I hope that she may be an inspiration to other moms out there who have struggled with breastfeeding!


…and how to handle negative comments from those who are misinformed about milksharing. Here’s something I wrote for Modern Milksharing, who will be debuting their new website sometime in December.

As a recipient of donor milk, I have had a variety of reactions when I tell people that I…

Failure. Guilt. Ashamed. Bad Mother. Struggling. Not the best for my baby. Can’t even provide for my own child. Devastated. Those were all thoughts that ran through my head as I struggled, fought, and lost in attempting to exclusively breastfeed my daughter. My whole pregnancy I was prepared to exclusively breastfeed. I shunned the formula samples that came in the mail and immediately gave them away once they arrived at my door. I was thrilled and excited to be able to provide my daughter’s nutrition once she was born! I was training to be a birth doula and had gone over breastfeeding information in my classes and was filled with the expectation that even if it’s hard it will work eventually, that I just needed to stick with it. Unfortunately life doesn’t always work out how you plan.

“A growing awareness of the importance of breast milk for babies has accelerated the demand for human milk at a time when processed donor milk is scarce and costly,” says Amy Spangler, president of baby gooroo. “Intent on giving their babies what every baby needs most, mothers are bypassing milk banks and going directly to the supplier—other breastfeeding mothers with milk to spare.”

I’m a transgender parent: not the parent of a transgender child, nor a parent who transitioned after having kids. Rather, I transitioned from female to male, and then later became pregnant—as a trans man. I had a healthy pregnancy, and birthed my baby naturally. And in that first moment when I saw my baby and held him in my arms—smelling his amazing, newborn baby smell—I became addicted to him. 

Just last week, my little guy turned 1 years old, and I can say that my initial intense feeling toward him has only become more powerful over time. Part of its effect is to make me highly sensitive to my child’s needs, despite the awkward moments we sometimes endure in public as a nursing couple.

Lily: “A photo my mother took of me bottle-nursing Lucas donor milk.”

Some of the strongest advocates in the intactivist movement are mothers who circumcised their first children.  Marilyn Fayre Milos, for example.  Some of the strongest advocates for gentle discipline are those who chose corporal punishment first.  Some of the strongest proponents of natural birth are those who experienced an over-medicated labor or an “unnecessarian”.  Many cloth diapering mothers chose cloth because their babies’ bottoms reacted badly to disposables.

Many lactivists have never fed their babies an ounce of formula, and some (certainly not all) really seem to enjoy making that fact very known.  They should be proud, but sometimes comments cross the line.  Formula-feeding mothers are referred to as “lazy”, “selfish”, “lame”, “stupid”, “irresponsible” and worse.  I’m not pulling this from my own imagination; I am a member of many natural parenting groups and have seen all of these accusations in the last month.  I am not an advocate for formula-feeding, any more than I am an advocate for cesareans.  I believe that supporting breastfeeding means supporting breastfeeding.  No more, and certainly no less.
So, if you want to be a lactivist without pissing off us lazy, irresponsible mothers who didn’t try hard enough (ha-ha-ha-ha-ha), what else can you do? 

A place for mothers to talk and support each other in the decision to use another mother’s milk to nourish their baby or milk sharing.

Those who have donated their milk or wet-nursed other babies are welcomed!