Love Can Come in Bottles, Too.
How can we be all those things?
Well, we believe that breastfeeding our babies is an incredible gift, but that sometimes it simply doesn't happen the way we planned.
We are not here to encourage or discourage any particular choice parents make on how to nourish their babies. We are here to support the ones who struggled or are struggling to breastfeed and are facing the guilt that often comes along with deciding to stop breastfeeding.
We have both experienced this personally, and have gone through all the guilt alone, so we wanted to start this tumblr to post encouragement and to answer your questions and concerns as you make this sometimes difficult and traumatic transition.
We want you to bottle-feed without fear of judgement, and without guilt. You are doing the best that you can do for your baby given your particular circumstances. Be assured that the love and care you take in making this sometimes agonizing decision shows beyond a shadow of a doubt that love can come in bottles, too.
“Judgey breastfeeders, I’m talking to you. Find something nice to say, be informed, or don’t say anything. Breastfeeding can’t afford this kind of pettiness and we can do better.”
“No wonder formula milk rationing is scary to British parents, since they have never been given the power to make their own choices in this area. Although we should be grateful that, unlike Chinese parents, we can be sure that whatever brand of formula milk we buy it will be perfectly safe for our children, some more useful information rather than ‘breast is best’ sermonising would be good.”
…and how to handle negative comments from those who are misinformed about milksharing. Here’s something I wrote for Modern Milksharing, who will be debuting their new website sometime in December.
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As a recipient of donor milk, I have had a variety of reactions when I tell people that I…
“A growing awareness of the importance of breast milk for babies has accelerated the demand for human milk at a time when processed donor milk is scarce and costly,” says Amy Spangler, president of baby gooroo. “Intent on giving their babies what every baby needs most, mothers are bypassing milk banks and going directly to the supplier—other breastfeeding mothers with milk to spare.”
Let’s face it, having trouble breastfeeding can be a downer. But is it also a red flag that you are at risk for postpartum depression? Yes, say researchers from the University of North Carolina whose recent study of over 2,500 new moms found that women who admit they don’t like to breastfeed–or who experience breastfeeding difficulties during the first few weeks after birth–have much higher rates of postpartum depression than moms for whom breastfeeding comes easy.
Even now, almost two years later, I feel a twinge whenever I see a woman whip out her boob at the playground. Why couldn’t that have been me? I briefly fantasize about having another baby (could I maybe get it right the second time around?), before reminding myself that the dream of breastfeeding is possibly the worst reason to have another child. But then I look over at my son, roaring with laughter as he whizzes down a slide or shouting out a new word from the top of the jungle gym. My inability to breastfeed seemed so do-or-die when he was an infant, so all-determining. But I don’t think my strapping son has suffered in the long run, not even a little bit, from what I saw as such a horrendous deprivation at my hands. Breast milk or no breast milk, he couldn’t possibly have turned out any better, and these days that’s the only consolation I need.
All Germans were not Nazis, and obviously, all lactivists are not engaging in fascist or supremacist behavior. It sucks that some bad eggs are ruining what should be a really healthy, wholesome omelette. But we also cannot sit idly by and watch a subtle form of fascism grow. So while I am ardently against indiscriminate hurling of the “boob nazi” label, I wish breastfeeding advocates would please consider why this term has gained popularity.
Lily: “A photo my mother took of me bottle-nursing Lucas donor milk.”
If we as a society truly place a high value on nursing — if the American Academy of Pediatrics’ recommendation that mothers breast-feed for 12 months or more (and breast-feed exclusively for six months or more) is meant for all women, not just those with the resources to withstand economic loss — then we need to support breast-feeding by putting in place laws, policies, programs and social structures that make it easier, rather than attempt to gloss over its hidden costs. Breast milk isn’t free. But it’s within our power to make it affordable for all.
“Breast is best.” Such a simple fact. If you are planning to be an attachment parent, you want to breastfeed. It’s at the very foundation of the philosophy.
But sometimes, things aren’t that simple. Perhaps you have a medical condition that won’t allow you to breastfeed. Maybe you are an abuse survivor who has unresolved issues that are hindering you. Or, as in my case, you and your baby have breastfeeding problems that never get fixed. You may find yourself holding a bottle for your baby, wondering how you got here, worrying that you and your baby will never truly bond because you aren’t breastfeeding.
Bottlefeeding with love is possible. It’s not the ideal situation, but you and your baby can have a loving feeding arrangement.
